Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize