I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
