My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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