he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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