you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
