alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
