wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
