Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
