Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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