Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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