Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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