Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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