god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
