Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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