I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
