He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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