the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize