I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
