she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
