He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
