hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
