Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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