I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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