His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
