It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
