Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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