you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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