I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
