That's intense
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
