Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
