By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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