Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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