he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
