the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
