I met the friendliest cop last night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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