dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
