Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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