I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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