Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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