I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
