She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
