I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
