smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
