I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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