Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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