At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
