Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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