I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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