The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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