I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
