he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
