If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
