from now on my penis is your penis
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
