In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
