420 ftw
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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