i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm both gender and math confused
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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