Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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