My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
