Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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