I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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