the condom got lost in my hair
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
