My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
