Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bring me that man meat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
