Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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