At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
