I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
