You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize