Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im holly from the hills drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
