I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
