the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
