shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
