I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
